Your past. Whatever it might hold, it’s had an effect on you. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know. That’s up to you. There’s something very important that a lot of people don’t realize: Everyone has trauma. Everyone has something that happened; that changed them. And just because yours may not be as “bad” as someone else’s doesn’t mean you are insignificant.
We all deserve healing. I know, it’s hard to even think about that. I know you think you’re too far gone. That nothing and no one will help. That no one cares. I know you don’t talk about your thoughts and feelings because people have made you feel like a burden. An afterthought. You feel alone, angry, tired, and just done. Each day is an uphill battle, holding those tears in, keeping people out, and maintaining those walls, all while making sure you have a smile on your face.
That smile fools everyone. They don’t see the late night sobbing, the mental breakdowns. They don’t hear the voices constantly overthinking every single word, every movement. They don’t feel you slowly losing your mind, slipping into something you’re too afraid to look at, too afraid to admit exists because you’re fine. You’re always been fine. And you always will be. You don’t need anyone else, and you don’t want to talk about it because no one wants to listen. No one cares.
If this sounds like you, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to pray for you. Lord, you see this person. You know their pain. You collect every tear like precious gems. You watch them drag themselves through everyday while you call out, “I’m here, child. Let me help you.” But you know your voice gets drowned out by all the other noises swirling around inside. And yet, you don’t leave. You stay where you are, where you’ve always been, and keep calling. I ask that the person reading this finds you, Lord. I ask that you relieve them of the numbness so they can feel your hand in theirs. I ask that you quiet their mind so they can hear your whispers. Show them hope, Lord, show them love. I know it’s hard to believe right now but those things do still exist. I pray all this in the Lord’s name, amen.
Shoving everything down and holding it all in is easy when you compare it to healing. All it takes is one crack in that fortress around your heart and suddenly everything is pouring out. And oh boy does it hurt. But I promise it’s worth it. I didn’t think it was for the longest time. I believed that concealing it all was the only way to survive, the best way. And maybe it did help me survive. But I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to live not barely get by each day. The thing to remember is to not throw your heart at every person you come across. You will get hurt again. Pray about what you need. The Lord hears you, and when you’re ready, truly ready, he’ll send you help. I promise, God will never abandon you. Your heart is safe with him.
Be patient. If you’re ready for healing it will come. And even if you don’t think you’re ready, Jesus knows. He knows exactly what you need when you need it. It’s okay to trust him. If you ever want to talk about anything or if you have any questions for me, feel free to DM me on Instagram. It’s linked on here. Your journey is not over, and you are not forgotten. The future is bright and you are in it. Don’t give up. You can make it. You are worth fighting for and someday you will believe it, I promise. Don’t worry about how long it takes. Healing is quite the process, and it takes time. You are not a burden and you will get through this. I promise. I love you all and I hope you have a great day.